For this next lyrical sonnet, I was inspired by my kid just… being a butthole. (Just cuz you birthed them doesn’t mean they’re perfect.) I created this poem so our nap time battle royale wasn’t in vain.Without further ado, I present:
Nap Time Stand Off, A Poem
I know you are tired, so just take a nap
My last bit of sanity you’re starting to zap
you’ve never had trouble napping before
on a plane, on a train, on the couch or the floor
How do I get you to sleep? Your mommy is beat
Put whiskey in your juice then turn up the heat?
Well it works on your father every damn time 😉
(i’d go into more detail but it’ll mess up my rhyme)
If you ask to watch Peppa again I don’t know what I’ll do
I have visions of me hitting you with my shoe.
So here is your blanket and here is your cup
Now sit in your crib and shut the fuck up
I’m sorry i cussed but I’m losing my mind
The last bits of sanity? I now cannot find
Are you kidding me? Really? You’re asking for water
Here I’ll go get you some – ugh why do I bother?
You know what? I give up. God, this failure is big.
You win, little tyrant. Go watch Peppa The pig.